- and then things started happen, damn it haha. Those two weeks in greece we spent more and more time togheter, he english was so bad we barely couldnt communicate but it wasnt even that, it didnt matter cause we both knew where we had each other. And then i got back to sweden and we continued talking over facebook, skype and so on for a couple of months. but then we kinda lost contact and i havent heard from him since christmas. And he will come to sweden this summer with his dad and his little brothers and i dont know what to do. Because im kindof sure that things will happen again.. and i still like him, like before i didnt really knew what feelings i really had for him but since we stopped talking i just started missing him so much. i know its a pretty wierd situation because our parents are married but personally i dont think its wrong cause we’re not biological siblings, but what do u think about it? :S and should i go for it or am i just gonna make things worse?

Honestly? It might be an idea to talk to your parents about what you guys have going on. The thing is that your parents are working through a LDR of their own - even if it’s going great, it’s tough on them. To add you and your step-brother to the mix as not just a LDR, but a very sensitive relationship besides, it’s going to be extremely challenging for everyone in the family, including yourselves!

This isn’t a question I can really answer for you, nor would my views be valid because, well, I’m not a member of your family! Talk to your step-brother and ask him what’s going on, first, since it seems like the dynamic has changed a bit since that first meeting. If there’s still something there and you guys both feel like you want to pursue it, talk to your parents and sort through it as a family.

It will be messy no matter how it turns out, so be prepared for that. Your parents probably never considered the possibility of you guys being in a relationship with each other, because they think of you guys as brother and sister. So this will be a difficult conversation, but one that you will need to have if you want to go ahead with a LDR with this boy.

On a sidenote: I tend to like to avoid drama where I can, so I know this is just me talking, but: wouldn’t a relationship with another boy (almost ANY OTHER boy) be a bit less drama-inducing and complicated? Is the conflict this is likely to cause with your parents going to be worth being with him (assuming he still wants to be with you)? Consider that you have options, and some are simply more realistic than others!

Ah, yes, this is a classic problem faced not just by young LDR couples, but even adult, close-proximity ones! When rare opportunities like this come a-knocking, it can really throw your priorities into disarray, and putting it all back together can take a good deal of time.

The thing with these kinds of circumstances is that it’s important to remember that if you’re meant to be together, you will be (or, rather, you will have the chance to be). In the meantime, you do have to be realistic. Chances like this are so rare that it’d be crazy not to jump into it full-heartedly and learn all you can from it. But, of course, in a slower or calmer moment, you will inevitably turn around and see what you’ve left behind.

The way I’ve managed my own struggles with this kind of problem is to remember that anything that allows you to grow as a person is worth shooting for. For some, that’s a job or a school. For others, that’s a relationship. But if you see a chance to grow in a way that YOU feel is important to you, then seize that chance and don’t let it get away, because those chances don’t come by often.

You know that this opportunity is a fantastic one - for you and your family. That’s growth right there. And sure, you may also be able to grow via your relationship with your boyfriend, but let’s be perfectly honest here: you’ve made it 2 years long-distance… what’s another 4 if it means YOU will come out of it a better person? Isn’t that worth him waiting for?

Now, to be realistic, opportunities like these also drive wedges into couples. Your experience will change you (for the better!) and you will encounter things that he has not. You can look at it as a true test to see if you’re really meant to be together: can you guys survive the change you will see in you? If yes, then you know for sure that this is a relationship worth sticking with. If not, then you know that the person you now want to become is not the same person he wanted to be with, and knowing that is a comfort, too, because then you know it just wasn’t meant to be.

Good luck, and enjoy this rare chance to leave your comfort zone. I can tell you with absolute confidence that even if you spend every day over there totally miserable, you will learn tons of stuff about yourself you wouldn’t have had the chance to learn otherwise - and that alone is worth the move!

Sorry for the delay in answering this question, but I did have a good think about how to answer it, so there’s that!

It’s tempting for me to go down the “what? you’re dating your COUSIN?!” route, but I think I will avoid doing that. The nature of how you met and how you know each other is less important to me than the nature of what comes next, which is your LDR. So whether or not he’s your cousin isn’t important unless you think your parents will have some huge reaction to it.

Which brings me to the next thing. For young people, how to tell your parents is influenced by two huge things: your age and how you met your long-distance boyfriend.

The younger you are, the harder it is for them to hear. One of the reasons for this is for safety and security reasons - if they don’t know who this boy is and have never met him, they are going to be extremely afraid that it’s someone luring you into an inappropriate relationship and that they might be up to no good. By “young,” I do mean under 16 - you are still a minor in the eyes of the law of most states and countries, which means your parents have a HUGE say in your business whether you like it or not. So if you’re under 16, be aware that your parents’ reaction might not always be the most understanding.

Since you DO know this boy, you don’t have to worry as much about the safety side of things. But your parents might still question whether or not you want to try long distance when there may be perfectly decent boys closer to home. Have you been in a close-proximity relationship before? If not, your parents’ concern might also be that you don’t have experience being in a “proper” relationship, and so they will worry that you may not know what really goes into a long-distance one.

To an extent, they’re right, and it would be a good idea to come up with some way to assure them that you know what you’re doing.

Preparing to tell them will involve you answering a few mind-bending questions, such as:

• Why are you telling them?
• What would you like to happen after you them?
• How will you reassure them that you know what you’re doing?
• What have you thought about with regards to your relationship? What might you NOT have thought about?
• Have you considered the effort that goes into the relationship?
• What makes you believe that this is a relationship worth pursuing?
• What concerns you about their possible reaction to you telling them about the relationship?

These questions (and SO many more) are likely going to be questions that your parents will ask you, so it’s a good idea to have a think about them, first.

In terms of just telling them, sit them down and let them know you have something important to tell them. Turn off phones and TVs. Then, just tell them! It’s a conversation, not a speech! Answer their questions and ask them what they think. By making it a dialog, you are showing your parents that you want them to know about the relationship because it’s important to you (and you don’t want to hide anything from them), but you are also letting them know that you care about their opinions, thoughts, and feelings on the matter.

Don’t expect them to nod and accept it or shake their head and write it off. Expect them instead to ask questions… and if they don’t, encourage them to ask them. In short, start a conversation. That’s the very best advice I can give!

To be quite honest, a month with no contact isn’t too bad, especially when you know you’ll get to talk again when it’s all over. Video games are a pretty good way to pass the time (I would know!), but honestly if you don’t have much of a social life, it can be a good time to just get out there and build one.

The dangers of getting into a serious LDR is the fact that it’s tempting to just sit in front of a computer and talk to each other day-in, day-out without ever seeing anyone else. That can be nice at first but can soon become a bit… counter-productive, because suddenly you are becoming less and less interesting to each other.

Have a life of your own, if only to keep yourself sane, to keep your mind “open,” and to use up all the energy that gets built up missing him. It is a healthy habit for anyone to maintain, let alone someone who is in a LDR.

And I don’t mean go to parties or hang out with people you don’t like. Social stuff can be low-key, too. Do you have a cause that is interesting to you? Maybe consider volunteering somewhere! Join a fitness class or a sports team if you are so inclined, or even just go down to your coffee shop, sit with a good book, and watch people come and go.

It’s less about meeting people in this case (though it couldn’t hurt) and more about not getting stuck in front of a computer or TV screen all day… that can be distracting and can make the time just disappear, but it’s about mixing in your alone-at-home time with something that puts you out there, engages your brain, and gives you stories to tell your boy when he’s done with the grounding!

And if all else fails, community forums are pretty popular with the gaming lot… you can always check one out, too, though I would generally explore these as last resorts.

Having a child in the equation, as you are no doubt aware, immensely complicates any relationship. This is doubly true for a LDR, because while YOU feel a connection with your partner (and that’s great!), your child may not.

Depending on your child’s age, you’re looking at a different challenge. If they are quite young (under 8), they may not be able to comprehend even the basics of what a long distance relationship is, nor how you can forge a connection with someone you can’t see in person. Consider, for instance, that young kids LOVE the shit out of TV characters like Barney… they may interpret your connection for your partner in the same way, which isn’t accurate or helpful, because they don’t stop to think that this person is a potential daddy, not just a person on the TV or computer screen that is likeable.

If your child is older (aged 8-12), they have a much better grasp of the abstract aspect of your relationship, because they themselves are beginning to notice the gender of their potential affections. When they are teenagers, they are much better equipped to understand who this person is and what they mean to you. But in both these older cases, consider that security and safety are HUGE factors here.

I’m not just talking about your partner; I don’t doubt your instincts are spot-on that he is trustworthy. I’m also talking about how your child may interpret online affections in the future, because “Mum did it, why can’t I?” This leaves your child potentially vulnerable to predators and other ne’er-do-wells (so to speak), and I know I’m theorizing here, but it’s well worth your time to ensure that your child knows what’s going on as well as he or she can.

The mechanics of the LDR aside, there’s also, of course, your partner himself, your relationship with him, and his potential relationship with your child. It’s pretty important to just ask your child what they think of your relationship and whether they are interested in getting to know your partner better, and to keep asking as the relationship develops. At any significant state of the LDR (first visit, subsequent visits, commitment, potentially relocating, etc), you need to consult your child for his or her thoughts on the matter. They may not always come from a place where they fully understand what’s going on, but their insight and input can be invaluable. Plus, if you show them that their opinion matters to you, it can encourage them to be more willing to get to now your partner.

Since you haven’t met yet, you have two challenges for your first visit together (which really should happen relatively soon, if only so you’re not left hanging in limbo). First, you need to figure out if you guys work as a couple in person. Second, you need to figure out if HE works with your child in person… and this can be tough because everyone can put on a nice face for a two-week visit, but that doesn’t always indicate that they are an appropriate father figure for the foreseeable future. Nor does you and him having an amazing connection necessarily mean your child will have the same with him.

Focus on your first visit, which will involve you preparing both your child and your partner for meeting each other for the first time. It’s challenging, no doubt, but you can do it! Spend some alone time with your man, and spend some all-together-time together. And make sure you let your child know that the door is open for any questions they may have about your partner or your relationship with him.

And look, any relationship can “all go wrong”… preparing yourself for that reality basically involves being really grounded and knowing what your priorities are. I emphasize this point because knowing this means that you will know what you’re looking for, what you’re willing to compromise, and what you can (and cannot) forgive. Letting your partner know about these expectations and priorities is useful, too, because they can then decide if this is something they are willing to work toward. It also doesn’t hurt to remind yourself not to take your relationship for granted, and to acknowledge all the challenges you are both facing instead of glossing them over, minimizing them, or just ignoring them at all. Being open about them is what will give you the best shot, because then neither of you are firing in the dark.

It may also be worth your while to have a discussion, between you and your partner, of how the future might look. You having your child settled in England might mean that closing the gap will involve your partner eventually moving to the UK; I’m not saying your child might not want to live in Brazil, but uprooting a child to close the gap for a long-distance relationship has the potential to generate quite a few extra variables and stressors, so just be aware of that and have an open and honest discussion with your partner SOONER rather than LATER!

I hope this was helpful, and I do wish you all the very best with your first visit, whether it’s him in England or you and your child in Brazil!